Transparency:​
I'm inordinately sick with a man cold and my capacity to stay awake, let alone articulate the jumble of thoughts that I have for a new newsletter this week is at an all time minimum. The following is an updated edit from an article I wrote last year about the power of decision that I revisited and really enjoyed. I think you might as well.

"Winners Focus, Losers Spray"

The etymology of the word decision comes from the Latin word dēcīdere, which means "to cut off”. It’s as much about the exclusion and denial of every other possible reality as it is about devotion to one’s chosen aim.

It was pointed out to me once that when getting a woman to commit to you in a relationship, you aren’t just asking her to be with you - you’re asking her to relinquish every other prospect and opportunity that she has.

That 6’4 chiselled jaw dude with the boat who would take her around the world, that sensitive-souled poet who would open her heart, the men who would bring her into their fascinating and opportunity-rich worlds are now off the table.

“So the question you gotta ask is — if you were that beautiful, intelligent woman that you are so attracted to, and you had all the possible options that she had… would you choose you?”

Being guided by FOMO and “grass-is-greener-syndrome” can be some of the most guaranteed paths to a mediocre life, with your impulsive whims and opportunistic anxieties yanking you around like it’s got a chain wrapped tightly around your neck (maybe you’re into that, though).

You may drift amongst stimulating opportunities, getting the dopamine rush of novelty, the initial burst of energy when starting a new project, the validating pleasure of “noobie gains” when starting a new skill… but you never penetrate life with any meaningful depth, where your character is refined, defined, manifested with any trace of your individuated essence.

There is a paradox of total commitment to one’s own path; at once, their True Selves are given embodiment, they are brought to life with the passionate flame of purpose and meaning — while simultaneously losing themselves totally to their work and vision, sacrificing the personal self to the greater vision, the mission, The Work.

Sometimes, I write in flowery poetic abstractions, reciting quotes and ideas as a convenient way to avoid reflecting on what’s actually real for me.

The truth is — I’ve been tormented by this. I used to feel like an indecisive coward missing out on the grandeur of his unfulfilled potential, wasting my life on a refusal to cut away all that is not my purpose, my dharma.

I’ve lived many lives, gone deep into many subjects of study and practices, and while part of me enjoys the idea of being a “jack of all trades”, something of a modern renaissance man, I’d once felt the ache of not having my mission or meaning defined. I languished with the sense that I'd been missing out on the greatness that can only come from true commitment to mastery of a craft, to full devotion to a particular identity and trueness of aim.

The “problem” is that I’m good at a lot of shit.

Not just “kinda good” either… like, exceptionally skilled at many things, and find deep enjoyment in each of them.

I am a world class personal trainer, a wizard body worker, with the gift of intuition; naturally adept at coaching people towards transforming their physical, mental, and spiritual forms.

I can write and perform beautiful music, a multi-instrumentalist and producer capable of emotive face-melting guitar solos, divinely inspired lyrics, dripping with romantically heartwrenching poetic sentiment, and unequivocally F U N K Y grooves.

When I’m not frenetically overwhelmed by family members getting cancer, breakups, selling all my shit and moving to a new country, I’m a really damn good writer, and entertaining storyteller.

I’m a great conversationalist and host fantastic podcasts, interviewing people with thoughtful, creative questions that reveal the core of their unique genius. I’m dastardly good at building business systems and marketing, being able to penetrate the human psyche and move emotions to inspire purchasing decisions.

I can make great videos, creative shots, scenes, and narrative voiceovers to pull people into an elevated experience of the immortalized moment, a creative and visionary documentarian and cinematographic raconteur.

There’s always been so much that I could do, so much that I would excel at doing, and so much that I LOVE to do, I don’t know how the hell to make the decision, make the cut, and pick just one to commit my entire life to. I have seen the power and potency of picking, when I completely absorb my attention and effort into a singular focus (most of the breadth of skill that I developed came from years of dedicated periods of depth first, combined with some degree of natural competencies gifted from God).

I have enjoyed my varied life; I love to sample and taste all the different archetypes, modes of expression, I love witnessing the glimmering shine of all the different facets of my being cut and revealed from my diverse array of practices and aptitudes. I have lived and died a thousand lives. And I’m not sure which ‘one’ of them is my authentic life — all of them? None of them? One of them which I should stop treating like a side piece and put a ring on it?

If I’m really being honest, I’ve felt like so many of the possible lives I could live, all the parallel universes of Self that I could’ve manifested, I have aborted before they built up the momentum to take me over completely.

I'd never lost my life entirely to a calling, always trying to preserve my options, save my capacity and freedom for multidimensionality. I’ve questioned deeply if this is the ‘right choice’, and have longed for a singular focus to devote myself entirely to; I’m a loaded gun, point me at the right target and pull the trigger.

I felt like I was missing out in some way. That by not sacrificing myself to my work, that I’m actually betraying my dharma, the service I could offer to the world. I often meditate on Jesus’ teaching: “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

Two of my favorite books, Stephen Cope’s The Great Work of Your Life, and The Soul’s Code by James Hillman, both talk about a singular calling, an essential image and blueprint of purpose inborn to each individual.

A section in The Great Work that particularly impacted me was about going all out, giving your purpose and your dharma everything you have, organizing your efforts and your focus towards a singular aim.

I know the magic in this, I intuitively understand the wisdom in the idea. When I taught habit courses, the core of my teachings oriented around the practice of monotasking and setting up the conditions that make it possible. I know that the more fragmented your focus, the more split your energy, the more underwhelming and mediocre the results will be, for anything. And this is your life we’re talking about it.

“He who chases two rabbits catches neither”

“A man who aims at nothing is sure to hit it”

“One who walks two paths will split his legs”

“Starve the ponies and feed the stallions”

Most damning, “Winners focus. Losers spray”

I know all that. I know I won’t publish any books if I don’t commit myself to my writing. I know that I won’t perform on stage or move anyone with my music if I don’t devote myself to the craft and put myself in places where music can happen. I know that I’ve confused the hell out of people as I’ve built my personal brand, oscillating between biomechanics, nutritional science, poetic philosophical sentiments, digital marketing, travel documentaries, and everything else in between over the years.

It's been nearly a year since I first wrote this article, and I've learned a lot about how freeing it actually is to commit wholeheartedly to something that is aligned to a deeper sense of purpose and mission.

My business QX, which teaches coaches how to build online businesses that makes $12-25k/mo or more, has allowed me to express the broadest range of my gifts. I get to teach habit and depth psychology as I help coaches navigate the identity and behavior changes associated with integrating the often triggering role of entrepreneur. I get to use my creativity, video editing skills, and hone my writing craft to market and advertise.

I experience a near infinite amount of motivation as the business itself isn't tied to just the outcome of "more money" - it's connected to my deeper purpose of creating a ripple effect where I serve God, help more people help more people, and develop leaders who can create communities that will change society itself.

An interesting byproduct has been that by focusing entirely on making QX as financially successful as it's been, I've created more freedom of income and time than I've ever had in my life, and I can pursue other things that are important for me like music, creative writing, spiritual practice, and fruitful relationships. I have a "timeline" where after hitting certain income goals and automation structures, I will dedicate time to write books, record albums, and pursue deeper education.

From a business perspective, one of the most powerful places decision shows up for coaches is in their willingness to pick a niche - to commit to helping a very specific person solve a very specific problem/achieve a very specific desired outcome. Most coaches want to help everyone, and in trying to do so, end up helping nobody. By casting such a broad net, very few people (if any) deeply self-identify with their message; they don't "enter the conversation happening in their audience's head", and they don't touch on those deeply inspiring points that motivate a person to take action and work with them.

By decided to help less (IE, more specific) people, they actually end up having the opportunity to help more people. I didn't exactly want to just help coaches - I wanted to help everyone. But by narrowing in on coaches building online businesses, I've been able to impact thousands who I might otherwise never reach with my work.

Decide. Cut the rest away. And watch all the space and freedom you create for yourself as a result.